Craig Morrisette
This material is part of the HOPE Counseling Center training material and was delivered in North Wake Church’s Adult Discipleship Courses in 2024. This article has been lightly edited from the teaching transcript.
Anger is a topic that touches all of our lives. If you have ever felt angry, this will hopefully be very pertinent and relevant as you see before a gracious and merciful King.
Whether Malodorous or Unmalodorous
This is a real article in the newspaper. The title of the article is, “Fart Sparks Fight in Jail”
An inmate of the Carroll County Jail was injured Monday night after his flatulence offended a fellow inmate who punched him in the face. Darwin Robinson, 38, of Carroll, was charged with assault for the 8:46 p.m. fight in the jail’s main holding cell, according to a sheriff’s report.
Robinson, who has numerous criminal convictions, has been held in the jail since late March when he was arrested for an attempted sexual assault. The alleged flatulator, Nathan Thomas Baxter, 22, of Carroll, was booked into the jail the day of the fight for failing to appear in court for a misdemeanor drug charge. It is unclear if Robinson was offended by the fart’s smell or by its sound.
Carroll County Sheriff Ken Pingree said that whether malodorous or unmalodorous, the flatulence allegedly caused Robinson to retaliate with his fist. The two scuffled, and Robinson is accused of shoving Baxter into a set of jail cell bars, which split open the back of Baxter’s head. It took nine hospital staples to repair the wound, Pingree said.
Robinson’s new assault charge is punishable by up to a year in jail.
I share this to say we can find ourselves angry about almost anything. Hopefully that example illustrates that.
There is some ability for all of us to relate to this topic.
Opening Prayer
Lord, we come before you to think on this topic, and we acknowledge that we need help in more ways than we even know. But if we are honest, we do see in ourselves a sense of desire that often turns into a demand, that we want what we want. We see in ourselves the tendency to demand of others.
We believe ourselves often to be right. And so, Lord, we can lash out. We can respond in ways that are hurtful and sinful.
We ask you now to give us insight into your words, to peel back the layers of our hearts that we might see ourselves rightly, that your words might diagnose our hearts better than anything.
Lord, that we might be changed by your words and through your spirit, that we might live lives that are different, that we might be people that serve rather than demand, and we might be able to lay those things down at your feet and have open hands and trust you with outcomes. Help us now as we look at your words together.
Change us, we ask, through the power of the Spirit. In Christ’s name we pray. Amen.
Savoring the Pain You Give Back
There is a quote from Frederick Buechner: “Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontation still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back. In many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”
Defining Anger
Anger can be defined as the way we react when something we think important is not the way it is supposed to be. In short, anger says, “I am against that.”
It is an active stance taken to oppose something assessed as wrong. All anger is a moral judgment. One is deciding that something is wrong.
There are variables to anger. What one does or does not do is a variable. The objects that trigger opposition are variables, such as people, animals, ideas, the weather, or machines. The duration of the reaction is a variable.
The Nature of Anger
Every act of anger has three things in common by nature. Anger is judgmental, making a value judgment. Some perceived wrong is identified: “I am wronged.” It takes a stance of disapproval, feeling and expressing displeasure: “I judge.” It always leads to some action to say or do something: “I punish.”
Anger can see the wrongs of others but rarely its own. By its very nature, anger says, “You are wrong and I am right.” It is absolutely certain in its judgment. It never wavers in its self-confidence.
Defining an Anger Problem
An anger problem is not so much about how much anger there is. It is where the anger is oriented and whether the judgment is accurate. When God is wrathful toward the people of Israel because of their wrongs, He is very angry. That is not a bad thing.
We see anger in the character of God. He expresses anger toward things. We have to ask bigger questions about anger. What would make it a problem? What would make it sinful?
Wavelengths in the Spectrum of Anger
Irritability is anger on a low simmer. Some people are easily set off or just grouchy.
Arguing is the disagreeable “he said, she said” of interpersonal friction. Anger inhabits interpersonal conflict, and it takes two for a fight.
Bitterness is an expression of how anger can last a long time. People recycle old hurts. They nurse grievances and grudges and never really get over something.
Violence expresses the sheer destructive nature of angry behavior. Anger can hurt someone. It can destroy and even kill a person. It finds pleasure in inflicting pain.
Passive anger hides behind surface appearances and beneath conscious awareness. As long as it is undetectable by the person who is angry, it remains inadmissible and unaddressable.
Self-righteous anger enjoys the empowering feeling of getting in touch with honest emotion and expressing it freely. It feels good to let it out. It often gets results.
This quote from Ed Welch in his book *The Madness of Anger* says: “Anger gets us in trouble. And for that reason, we would like to be rid of it. But anger does have its perks. It is effective. People respond to it. It can produce a quiet dinner and send people away from you. Angry people get something from their anger, so don’t expect it to leave meekly.”
Is All Anger Sinful?
These six typical anger problems are not the whole story. They cannot be the essence of anger. They are distorted versions, misdirected expressions of something deeper. They pervert something intrinsic to human nature that can be made right.
There are three types of anger. The first is divine anger. We see this in many passages in Scripture. For example, Psalm 7:11 says, “God is a just judge. He is angry throughout the day.” There is this sense of divine anger throughout Scripture. The Old Testament shows plenty of that.
The second category is human sinful anger, which we all find ourselves in at some point or another. That will be mainly examined in the text in James.
The third category is human righteous anger. There are three criteria for someone to have human righteous anger.
Criteria for Human Righteous Anger
Righteous Anger Reacts Against Sin
The first criterion is that righteous anger reacts against actual sin, not perceived sin. Righteous anger does not result from merely being inconvenienced or from violations of personal preference or human tradition.
Righteous Anger Focuses on God
The second criterion is that it focuses on God and His kingdom, His rights and concerns, and not on oneself and one’s kingdom, rights, and concerns. It focuses on how people offend God in His name, not oneself and one’s name.
Righteous Anger Expresses Itself in Godly Ways
The third criterion is that righteous anger is accompanied by other godly qualities and expresses itself in godly ways. It remains self-controlled. It keeps its head without cursing, screaming, raging, or flying off the handle. It does not spiral downward in self-pity or despair, and it does not ignore people, snub people, or withdraw from people. Righteous anger leads to godly expressions of worship, ministry, and obedience. It shows concern for the well-being of other people. It rises in defense of oppressed people. It seeks justice for victims. It rebukes transgressors. Godly anger confronts evil and calls for repentance and restoration.
That is possible human righteous anger. The closest many might think about is in the area of abortion. At a very basic level of human life, there is something inherently infuriating about the loss of human life. That kind of anger toward that act lends toward some sense of righteous anger. It is not really about oneself. It is not really about one’s agenda. It is about the protection of human life. That could be an example of moving in the direction of righteous anger.
Righteous Anger Is Rare
Most of the time, anger is not righteous anger. It is human sinful anger. When we understand our propensity for anger and its devastating consumption of our lives, we look for hope. We find it in a God who is thankfully not like us. He is slow to anger. He does not deal with us according to our sins. He rescues the believer from the domain of darkness and transfers us to the kingdom of His beloved Son.
James 4: When Desires Lead to Anger
James 4 helps unpack some very important realities of this topic of anger. When someone does not get what they want, that person has a choice. They can either accept what God has given as better or they can fight to get what they want. The determining factor in that decision is always one’s controlling desire. It is an issue of control as well as an issue of worship. No one can be a slave of two masters since he will hate one and love the other.
James 4:1 asks, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” When we most commonly associate anger with fighting and quarrels, James gets into the root causes of anger in this text.
He says, “Is it not this, that your passions (sinful pleasures) are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”
It is not enough to cease angry behavior and replace it with godly fruit. We have to deal with our hearts. The solution to anger is not on the leaves of the plant. It is below the surface in the roots of the plant. If the roots change, so will the leaves.
James provides answers to the question, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” He answers this question methodically. Anger arises from our entrenched desires and pleasures that battle within us. It is internal.
Unmet ruling wants or desires produce anger. It is not wrong to have desires. The problem with these desires is that they rule us. They have a sense of control. They are something we want badly. They have essentially become idols. The desire is disordered because it has become an ultimate desire. We are no longer comfortable if we do not get this desire.
James cites specific sins as especially productive to anger in these first two verses: coveting. Coveting is wanting something that is not one’s own. It does not belong to oneself. One wants it. One has it and another wants it. James connects this: “You cannot obtain it, so you fight and you quarrel.”
Anger arises from coveting or selfish motives. The sinful heart seeks to please itself more than to please God. James places emphasis on the idea that frustrated desire leads to violence, that leads to anger. Envy, jealousy, and related emotions tend to lead toward hostile acts like quarrels, wars, and ultimately murder.
The cause of all violence can be traced back to the frustrated desire of wanting more than we have, good things or bad things; to be envious of and covet what others have, good things or bad things, whether it be their position or their possessions, good things or bad things. James teaches that our anger comes from the sinful desires that rule our hearts. Those desires are often not always for bad things, but for good things that we want too badly.
For example, one might really desire that one’s children go to a good school. That is a good desire. Many parents would acknowledge that is a good desire to have. When that desire becomes a demand, one crosses over a threshold and is now willing to sin to get something. That could look a thousand different ways on how one is willing to achieve that. It is a good desire that becomes a demand.
In the text, James holds out the possibility that they might actually get the object they desire. James would have rebuked the pursuit of a wrong object pretty easily and pretty quickly. What James is talking about are good desires, not sinful ones. He would have openly rejected those. But he refers to good desires that we do not get. He seems to be more concerned with how we go about getting the objects of our desires. It is not necessarily that the object itself is wrong. It is probably a good desire that has become a ruling desire.
To determine whether desires are sinful or not: When the object itself is forbidden, that is a sinful desire. One is willing to sin to get it. One sins when one does not get it. It consumes one. One dwells on it constantly: “I must have this.” One needs to arrange a way to get this. One is not learning godly contentment. One responds in sorrow and sadness if one does not get it, forms of self-pity or depression, fear even. How does one handle it when God sovereignly withholds one’s heart’s desire? That might be marriage, children, a career, health, or a winning record. Where is God in that?
James 4:2-3 – Wrong Asking and Selfish Motives
James 4:2-3 says, “You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions.”
James says that the desire to have is frustrated because we do not pray properly. Our asking is done wrongly. The motive behind what we are asking for is self-centered.
Jesus tells us to ask and receive. In Matthew 6, He says, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” In Matthew 7, He says, “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be open to you.” That is all assuming that the motives are focused on God’s kingdom and will, not selfish motives that are at war with our souls. He is focused on God’s kingdom, not our own. We can ask with selfish motives. For this reason, prayers are not always answered.
James links our anger to not having, our not having to wrong asking, and our wrong asking to sinful motives. Our motives are really about us. They are not really about Him at all.
James 4:4-5 – Spiritual Adultery
James 4:4-5 says, “You adulterous people, do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the scripture says he yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us?”
James turns from analysis to exhortation. He calls this act of selfish inordinate desires adultery. That is a powerful expression. The same language is used in the Old Testament, especially when things were not going their way. Adultery means cheating on one’s first love.
Douglas Moo makes this comment in his commentary on the letter of James: “James’ use of ‘adulterous’ serves to characterize the readers as the unfaithful people of God. By seeking friendship with the world, they are in effect committing spiritual adultery and making themselves enemies of God.”
This is a powerful expression that God is jealous for our allegiance and our desire. He expects us to reject our worldly lovers. Our anger comes out of this: “I want something, I demand it, and I am willing to do whatever I can to get it.” That is connected to a rejection of God as good and withholding something from us that we are wanting this more than we are wanting to trust Him. He calls that a form of adultery.
Anger can be thought of as a form of spiritual adultery. There is another level in the analogy of adultery that is important. When we think about adultery as used in the Old Testament and in our own context, there is a matter of a covenant relationship that is being violated. When we think about anger or desires or passions as spiritual adultery, it is that matter of a violation of a covenant relationship. One is putting what one wants right now in the moment above one’s relationship with God and one’s concern for Him and devotion to Him. That is the exact same thing one would be doing in cheating on one’s spouse.
We tend to look at anger as a white lie kind of thing. Everyone gets angry, and that is just part. That is true. We do experience that. But we minimize it. James says this is a form of spiritual adultery. One is wanting something more than one is willing to love and trust in God’s good pleasure and goodness in this moment.
James 4:6 – Grace to the Humble
James 4:6 says, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'”
God is going to give what He demands. He gives the grace needed to fight sin. However, something is required to receive this grace: humility.
Humility is key because it rightly shifts our perspective about where we are. Admitting that we need the grace of God puts us in a right position before God, not as God. Anger is a moral judgment. One declares oneself to be right. Humility is needed to not take on the posture of God, but to humbly sit under God.
This is the starting position of all repentance: face down in humility, admitting that God’s description is accurate and that one is wrong, that sin has prevailed and mercy before a holy God is in great need.
Luke 18:9-14 reflects beautifully the heart of a person who wants to be freed of anger. That is this sense of, “I am wronger than everyone else. Be merciful to me, a sinner.” That is the best preparation for anyone that struggles with anger, a sense of humility before God: “I am a sinner. I see that this is about worship of You, and I am not choosing to worship You in these moments.”
God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. James’s answer for angry hearts is not how to, but whom to. We must go to God Himself. Verse 6 points to God as the one who supplies grace for angry idolaters. He gives grace to the humble.
If one recognizes this area in one’s life, He gives grace. One can humbly come before Him and say, “This is exercised in my life. I see this in my life. Lord, give me that which I need to lay down these demands and trust You with open hands in this area of my life.”
James 4:7-10 – Submission, Resistance, and Repentance
James 4:7-10 says, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.”
This begins a series of imperatives. Submission to God is critical in this discussion. Our submission lies with ourselves if not with God.
“Resist the devil” infers a connection. We are either resisting the devil or submitting to him. In repentance, we submit to God’s proper authority.
We resist the devil by drawing near to God in humble submission, faith, and repentance. Humility before God is a form of resistance of Satan. 1 Peter 5:6-9 talks about resisting him by standing firm in faith, exercising self-control and spiritual watchfulness, humbling ourselves before the Lord, and casting our anxieties on Him. That is a form of trusting God.
Ephesians 6:10-18 calls us to resist by putting on and standing firm in our Christian armor of faith, righteousness, truth, and prayer. To resist the devil means identifying and rejecting his lies. We have humility before God, trusting God, and believing God and acting out that faith. That is resistance of Satan. Submission to God is resisting the devil.
It is erroneous to blame Satan for our anger. It is also naive to isolate him from it. Both activities are dangerous.
There is an internal war. We are battling our flesh. We want what we want because we love what we love and we worship what we worship. It exposes in a moment what we love and what we worship, and what is more important to us in that moment than God Himself. That is what anger does.
“Wash your hands and purify your hearts” is another way to describe both external behaviors and internal attitudes. The weeds of anger must be uprooted here. We purify our hearts through repentance and cleanse our hands through obedience to Christ.
Our laughter needs to be turned to mourning and our joy to gloom because this is grievous. This is not light. This is not something to pass over. This is something to put to death, something to take issue with, to make war against.
Hedonism is all about “eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die.” It is a purposeful refusal to entertain thoughts of our internal condition. It is filled with self-imposed happiness and joy that is used as a filler to avoid thinking about our own spiritual poverty. Wake up, see, hear, observe, notice.
When one repents, there is a grief, there is a sorrow. It is an important part of confession: taking it seriously, seeing it, knowing it, bringing it. In many cases, the grief and the mourning come out of the fact that when one recognizes sin for what it is and gives it up to God, that also involves giving up one’s love and source of hope. Many times, the sins that are truly, deeply invested in are attached to one’s source of hope and what one loves. That is the very nature of what makes this adultery.
Giving that up is hard. This is hard to do. It is not possible to do without the Spirit of God to aid and help. This is also why Jesus says, “Take up your cross and follow after me. Come and die.” It is hard to follow after Jesus, but He says, “I will not leave you alone. I will send a helper, a spirit who will guide you, who will help you.” There is help, and He lives inside those who know Christ.
The phrase “double-minded” refers to the Christian who seeks to become both a friend of the world and God’s, torn between them. We cannot be double-minded. We have to repent. We have to admit, “I love this and I love God, but I love this more right now.” There is a sense of repentance in being double-minded. That is what James refers to.
James issues a rapid-fire series of specific commands that culminates in a summary statement: “Humble yourselves.” We must humble ourselves before God. We must forsake the “my rights, my kingdom, my will” type of pride that spawns anger. To humble ourselves is to recognize our spiritual poverty.
James 4:11-12 – Ending Sinful Judging
James 4:11-12 says, “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”
James issues more imperatives here, more commands. We must put an end to our sinful judging because we are not a righteous judge.
God expects us to resign our God-playing and refuse to usurp His sole prerogatives. We usurp God’s rights when we legislate required behavior from someone else: “I demand that you do this for me. I demand that I get this from you.”
Here is an example of how one might judge someone: “Thou shalt not let the sun go down on my phone call or email, but thou shalt return it today, while it is still called today.” Or, “Thou shalt love me the way I want to be loved, with thy whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.” If one breaks one of these statutes, it is logged in a mental record book. One may or may not present the evidence, depending on preference. After all, one can do whatever one wants in one’s imaginary world in which one divinely reigns. One plays both the judge and the executioner.
Instead, we must repent of this attitude and throw away our statute book and drop all charges. We must ultimately entrust perpetrators to God’s just hands.
James argues that failure to do the law or obedience is a denial of the law’s authority. To show love for the judge is to obey the laws from the judge. When children obey parents, it is an expression of love to them. It is also true when we obey the Lord. It is an expression of love to Him. We worship Him. We obey Him. We trust Him.
We are not to never judge. That is not forbidden. All judging is not bad. We are told in passages of Scripture to judge rightly. This is talking about only the jealous, anger-driven forms of judgment. In culture, we hear, “Don’t judge me.” But this refers to a sinful form of that.
Analyzing Anger: From Desire to Punishment
Most people can identify the way they punish another individual with their anger. For example, “I yelled at someone.” That was the end result. There is some ability to acknowledge that was the punishment.
Work backwards to identify the judgment. What was the judgment executed upon this individual? One might land somewhere with, “I judge.” For example, in a car instance, “I judge you because you are a terrible driver. You should be better at driving. You are awful. I am better at driving than you are. I deserve to drive on this road safely without you driving on it.” There is some moral judgment being executed.
Work backwards from there. There is a disappointment that occurred. “I am disappointed” about some aspect of the engagement or interaction. There was an expectation that did not get met. That resulted in disappointment.
Behind that is the demand: “I must have, I deserve to have,” whatever that might be. “I demand that I drive on this road free of idiots. I am entitled to that.”
Behind that is an expectation, and then behind that is a desire that could be good: “I desire to not get injured driving my car.” That is a good desire. But see how quickly that can become a demand.
Working backwards helps to identify from punishment all the way up to a desire that could be good. It helps identify somewhere in that process where one pivoted from a good desire into a sinful demand of someone or something.
Reflection on Psalm 39
Psalm 39 is a passage that the Scriptures diagnose us better than anything. Here is a paraphrase summarizing its verses.
Verse 1: I kept telling myself I would watch what I say, that I would try to be less gruff and intimidating. I do not want to say hurtful things. I was determined to think about what I said before I said it, especially when my family was doing stupid stuff.
Verse 2: I do good for a while. I keep my mouth shut, but nothing changes. And eventually it gets to me. I can only take so much. My silence only dams up the anger. It does not decrease it. My sense of injustice mounts.
Verse 3: I get madder and madder. I am fuming. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. Finally, I just let it rip. My sharp tongue knows just where to start cutting. It is like old times. My anger and me, we are free again.
Verse 4: God, help me realize these moments are not that big of a deal. I act like these small events are going to define my life. I get lost in the moment. I think one act of disrespect is larger than my relationship with my sons. One instance of having to repeat what I said is larger than my marriage. God, remind me how small I really am. Humble me. Help me.
Verse 5: Life is too short for this kind of foolishness on my part. My anger is more foolish than whatever stupid things they did. I only get 18 years with my boys and a few decades with my wife. How do we always lose sight of what really has value in life?
Verse 6: I do not think any of us get how transient and secondary we really are. We act like we are the real thing and not just made in Your image. We work and work to make our name great. I was providing well, but in my anger devouring those I would leave my wealth to.
Verse 7: What do I do now? I am driving around in a stall. For what? You really are my only hope. I need You. I keep thinking everyone in my house needed to listen to me when I really needed to be listening to You. My anger and the dissension it has caused in my family could destroy everything that is really important to me.
Verse 8: Deliver me from the consequences of my sin. All my buddies told me I was right and I should not have to put up with what they were doing. Do not leave me to commiserate my broken family with them.
Verse 9: Before, I would bite my tongue thinking I was right and that the world needed to hear what I had to say. Now, I am truly quiet, humbled, and wanting to listen to You. Only You, Lord, could bring me to this point. My wife and kids tried hundreds of times to no avail.
Verse 10: Remove Your plague from me. I am consumed by the blow of Your hand. The shame and guilt are too much. I do not think I can bear what I have done. I see myself and it makes me sick. Your hand holds the mirror to my soul and I feel weak.
Verse 11: You showed me my sin and it was not just my loud words, harsh tone, and physical aggression. You have revealed to me my idols. The idol of respect, of being heard, of having an organized home, of success, and many more things. And You want to consume them. Those things replaced You in my life and You will not be replaced.
Verse 12: Wow, I sure thought I was something. Please listen as I pray. I realize now I do not deserve to be heard. What a change from when I thought everyone needed to hear what I had to say. I am broken and crying. Do not walk away from me like I would from my wife when she cried. I have got a long way to go on this journey of being a godly husband and father.
Verse 13: Thank You, Lord, for walking with me, for letting me be Your companion. I guess that is what all of us are doing in this life. Remove Your gaze from me and I may regain strength. Before I go, let it be Him. Here comes the guilt and shame again. It is hard to walk with You, God. I am used to being in charge and getting to be right. I will have to relearn how to be happy with You at the helm and life not being about me. I am completely undone, but I think it is the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time.
Closing Prayer
Dear Father, These are hard things for our hearts to hear because we all relate to the foolishness of anger. We have all thought that the things we desired and wanted were better than You, that we must have them in the moment. In fact, we have been willing to hurt people to get those things, people we claim to love. This is wrong. These are hard words.
Thank You for them, and we pray that our hearts would respond as the psalmist in Psalm 39. Lord, would You, through the power of Your Spirit, convict us where we need it? Would You guide us? Would You show us what humility looks like through the person and work of Your Son? Would You make us into greater worshipers of You, and would we make war with the worship of ourselves? These are hard things, but Lord, we ask You to change us in ways that only You can, to make us more and more into the likeness of Your Son. We beg of You, and it is in His name we pray.
Amen.
