CONFLICT: WISDOM’S GREAT TESTING GROUND
Novelist James Lane Allen once said, “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.” Based on how Solomon saw conflict as the great exposer of wisdom or foolishness, I think he would agree with James Allen. Look at how Solomon compares the responses of the wise and the foolish to conflict in these verses:
The Foolish Response (Stirs Conflict)
- Reacts instantly with harsh words (15:1)
- Vents all anger immediately (29:11)
- Spearheads and multiplies words (10:19)
- Gossips to keep the issue alive (26:20)
The Wise Response (Resolves Conflict)
- Pauses and gives a gentle answer (15:1)
- Practices patience and restraint (19:11)
- Drops the matter early (17:14)
- Keeps the matter confidential and direct (25:9)
As you prepare to hear God’s Word instruct us on conflict resolution this Sunday, give yourself 5 minutes to reflect on these passages and questions.
Evaluating the Fuse
When an offense or disagreement happens, do I react like a “breached dam,” or do I have the strength to let it go?
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam (Proverbs 17:14).
It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).
Reflective Focus: Think about your immediate physical and emotional reaction when you feel insulted, corrected, or cut off. Do you step back to gain perspective, or do you instantly pour fuel on the spark?
Identifying the Root of the Fight
In my current ongoing disagreements, how much of my frustration is about the actual issue, and how much is just my pride refusing to yield?
Where there is strife, there is pride (Proverbs 13:10).
Reflective Focus: Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about a recent argument. Are you fighting for what is genuinely right and fair, or are you simply fighting to win, to protect your ego, or to avoid admitting that you are wrong?
The Privacy of Confrontation
When someone hurts or frustrates me, do I address them directly and privately, or do I process my hurt by leaking it to others?
Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret (Proverbs 25:9).
Reflective Focus: Consider your habits when you are upset. Do you practice the discipline of direct, private conversation, or do you build an alliance of sympathizers through subtle gossip before ever talking to the person involved?
