For Paul
Oh, Paul. Poor, poor Paul. Apostle most controversial and difficult in so many ways. The length of your sentences has made many a reader throw up his hands. Your instructions…well, let’s just say they have caused many a debate. I’ve heard plenty of people say they just avoid your letters. And yet, Romans 7 could make a person feel a little tender toward you.
“15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am!”
Years ago, this very human moment right here caught me. It was this admission that made me kinda love you. You, Paul, who at first glance in your letters are so commanding, so wise, so right about everything. You outright admit you cannot stop sinning.
Psalm 23, Jeremiah 29:11, and Isaiah 55 are among some of the most comforting and beloved passages of scripture. People run to them in very hard times and cling to the promises there. But I want to add Romans 7 to that list. How many people throughout Christian history have been encouraged by your admission of guilt here? To think that such a bold leader of the church continued to sin! It’s rather brave of you to tell it. After all, some people might want to follow only a flawless man; you might have worried how this would be interpreted.
I think of Jesus at the last supper, preparing to wash His disciples’ feet. “No, Lord, you must not wash me,” cries Peter. Jesus replies, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Peter must admit His need for help, his complete loss without Jesus’s grace. He must admit it before the other men. It must be written down for centuries of believers to see.
Likewise, we have to admit our brokenness. It’s one of the beautiful things about Christianity: how God’s people—if we’re doing it right—humble ourselves and admit our faults before the world. All the better to encourage one another that the slow process of growth and change is normal. This is the example you, Paul, make for us—a leader who cries out his desperate need for rescue.
And then—and then the best part! You remind us that you DO have a rescuer!
25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
This is the most comforting piece of all. We are delivered! Our Lord made a way where there was no way! You are able to confess everything because everything is forgiven. You can move beyond the evil deeds and beyond the sin living within to worship and glorify the King. There is great hope—great certainty. Because Paul is humble, Christ shines. Because Paul is weak, Christ is strong. And the same goes for me.
Jesus, help me to be more humble. May I be a woman who bows before you daily, searching her soul for sin and glorying in your grace. Confident of the love you give, may I be a woman who can apologize quickly to her family and friends. May I be a woman who sets an example, speaking her faults and struggles and asking for help. I pray I never go inward, losing that vulnerability that marks the brothers and sisters of Christ.
All glory be to the One who alone is the Spotless Lamb! We are delivered!
