Parenting from Proverbs
When it comes to the book of Proverbs and what it teaches about parenting, I think it has sadly dwindled down to thoughts like “train a child correctly, and they won’t let you down” and “spare the rod, spoil the child.” This may seem harsh, but as a young mom and even still as an older mom, I feel we hold on to verses where we think the message is, “parent this way, and it will all go okay.” We treat those like promises. Then we put pressure on ourselves that if we just do the training right, or just avoid spoiling them, then we will get the children we want. You know what I mean by this, those kids that are smiling and quiet and obedient and respectful. The ones you observe with envy while your own children are throwing fits or arguing with you or rolling their eyes or going off in some direction you did not point them. When these things occur we can find ourselves looking at the verses that we took as promises and wonder why God didn’t keep His promises. Or we as parents fall into the “I must not be doing this right. I just need to do it better. I’ll train more, spoil less and then I will get the kids I want.” It ends up making us look at our children like a jukebox. I put in the right coin, I pick the right song, and voilà! I get what I want.
But if you are a parent, or if you were ever a child, then you know that isn’t the way it works. Jerry and I have three children: Julia is 20, Ella is 19, and James is 14, and believe it or not, they are nothing like one another. We learned early on that something would work with one kid but not with the others, and the way to explain something to one child made the others more confused. The way we showed affection to one was not the way the others wanted to be shown affection. The Lord gave us these three children to raise, and He gave them unique personalities, thoughts, passions, desires, and abilities, and we as parents have a challenge of not only parenting our children in the ways of the Lord, but also learning the best way to do that for each of them indiviually.
I often think that if we stop at the “do this and get that” mentality when it comes to parenting our children, then we have missed the mark of what Proverbs is actually teaching us as parents.
What if we started our foundation of parenting with:
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
And what if we applied the “fools despise wisdom and instruction” to ourselves as the parents? What if we as parents recognized that what we need most is to know the Lord? From that foundation, we can then seek to parent the children that the Lord has given us.
I have often told my girls, “I am sorry I haven’t done this before. I need to figure out what I should be doing so I can be the mother that does it all right.” As a parent I don’t have it all figured out. I wish I did, but I don’t. So what do I do? I seek the Lord and seek wisdom and instruction from Him and from others around me.
Our children are not copy and paste, and this has challenged Jerry and me to think about how we love each child. It leads Jerry and me to pray that the Lord would teach us about our own children. We also call other parents and ask what they did when “xyz” happened. I text friends of mine whom I respect and admire that have similar interests or temperaments as my children and say, “Hey, help me understand.” You see, as parents, we need just as much wisdom and instruction as our children do, and within the community of the church, we have those resources. I will give a plug for grow group: I don’t think I would have gotten through the little years like I did if I didn’t have other moms around me that were going through similar things. We encouraged one another, we helped one another, we held each other up when we were confused, discouraged, worn out, and we are still encouraging and holding each other up.
We as parents must take to heart that our foundation of parenting is based in the Lord. God has given us the example of what a Father is, and when we read that His anger is slow and His love is steadfast, we can take these things to heart and apply them to our own children. When we read that the Lord instructs and gives wisdom and is a place of safety, we need to be doing the same for our children.
What if we started our parenting with the mindset of Proverbs 3:3-7?
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good success
in the sight of God and man.Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
I would love for my parenting to be marked with steadfast love toward my children and faithfulness to the instructions of the Lord. I want my kids to know that no matter what, they have parents who love them and will continually point them to the love and faithfulness of the Lord.
I have had many discouraging days as a mom; days I thought, “I am not doing this right, I am messing this up, and these precious children will pay the price for my mistakes. When those worries come to mind I have to trust my parenting to the Lord. I have to trust Him with my parenting mistakes, and above all, I must trust Him with the children He has blessed me with. In the knowledge of who He is, I find rest, comfort, and strength to continue on in my role as a parent.
