An Antidote to Alienation
Read: Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Have you ever felt lonely in a crowd? Have you ever felt the awkwardness of being excited about something and nobody around you gets it? Have you ever felt like you were trying to share something about yourself and nobody was attentive enough to pick up on what you were saying? I have. I have felt disconnected or even alienated from people, too stressed or distracted to be in touch with what is being said and done around me, not feeling understood and not really understanding the other myself.
There is a sociological theory called the “theory of resonance.” It proposes that our society is so driven by efficiency, production, and growth that we become unable to live in deep and purpose-free relationships. Our desire to control, measure results, and get things done leaves us stressed and empty, unable to be responsively present and connect with others. We are “men of many companies,” as the verse in Proverbs says, but we still “come to ruin.”
Fortunately, Proverbs 18:24 doesn’t end there. Solomon goes on: “But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Friendship is an antidote to alienation. Friendship does not fit the logic of efficiency and control. Friendship is not a means to an end, but a relationship of resonance, of shared interests and emotions, of two people being present with and attentive to each other. Friendship is a gift from a God who knows how good it is for us to have and be a friend (John 15:15).
When the great theologian and member of the Nazi-resistance Dietrich Bonhoeffer was imprisoned, he wrote a moving poem called “The Friend” which he sent to his best friend Eberhardt Bethge. In this moment of loneliness and fear he reflected on the gift of friendship. I’d like to just share a few lines with you because they so beautifully reflect on this theme of our verse in Proverbs.
As you read it, I invite you to take a moment to thank God for your friends or to ask for God to grant you what Bonhoeffer calls, a “kindred spirit” in our church:
Most precious, rarest blossom
—blooming from the freedom of a playing,
daring and trusting
spirit in a happy hour —
is a friend to a friend.
Like a clear fresh lake
in which the spirit cleans off the dust of the day,
in which it cools itself from the burning heat
and steels itself in the hour of fatigue —
like a fortress, to which, from danger and confusion,
the spirit returns,
in which it finds refuge, comfort, and strength,
is a friend to a friend.
And the spirit longs to trust,
trust without limits.
disgusted by the mob
that feeds in the shadow of the good
on envy, suspicion and prying,
by the snake-like hissing
of poisoned tongues,
which fear, hate, and malign
the mystery of free thought
and upright heart,
the spirit longs
to cast of all deceit
and reveal itself fully
to its kindred spirit,
to ally itself with it freely and loyally.
