Sunday, January 23, was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, a day we set apart to remember God’s view that every single human life is precious. Many of you know that pregnancy centers exist, but do you know what happens when a scared young woman walks through the doors thinking that abortion is the only thing that will solve her “problem”? Let me share with you the stories of two women, Christiana* and LaTishia* who represent thousands who come to pregnancy centers each year. (*not their real names)
Christiana is in her early 30’s with five other children. This pregnancy is not only unexpected, it is an unwelcome surprise. Christiana has also been on an array of medications for PTSD following significant trauma and abuse. Through many tears she explained that she “does not want another baby,” “cannot handle another baby,” and is “convinced this baby is deformed already because of all the medications.” I listened and as I typically do, at the right time I asked, “Do you have any spiritual beliefs that are helping you in your decision-making process?” Christiana hesitated, “Not really – I was brought up Catholic, but I didn’t want to do that to my kids. I don’t go to church anymore, but I guess I can’t say I don’t believe anything. I never thought I’d think about doing this, but it’s a personal decision. You know?” I do know, but I pressed on. “Christiana, can you tell me what you think it means to be a Christian?” She answered, “Well, I can tell you what the people I know who call themselves Christians say. They say it means you don’t pray to saints, you don’t say bad words, you don’t drink or smoke, you don’t cheat on your spouse, and you go to church. But honestly, they don’t keep all those rules either, so I think it’s all fake.” I then was able to ask, “Would you like to know what it really means to be a Christian?” Because I had already gained a measure of her trust she said, “sure, why not?” I was then able to share the gospel with her – the real gospel. I used the obstacles that she had already identified – rules, integrity, truth claims – and showed her that she was right! No one keeps all the rules – even the ones we set up for ourselves. I then was able to tell her about Jesus in a way she could understand and relate to – that he kept all the rules for us, because he knew that we could not, that he wants to be our very closest friend, and how she could know him that way. As I spoke, she listened intently and then began to cry. I asked, “Has anyone ever talked to you about God this way?” She answered, “No! This is really good news!” Surprised by her use of that phrase, I asked, “Tell me why you say that.” She said, “I’ve always thought of God as some being or force that was always looking for ways to catch me messing up or doing something wrong, but that’s not how you’re talking about him.” I answered, “That’s not who he is.” And she said again, “That’s really good news! You’re talking about him like he’s your friend. I want to know God like this, but I don’t know how!” We talked about praying, and then we prayed. And Christiana began to cry again. As she wiped away her tears she said, “I know I keep crying, but now these are happy tears! I feel so different from when I came in here!” Christiana had some significant challenges to face regarding her pregnancy, but that day I got a front row seat as I watched God intervene to save two lives. Christiana has decided to keep her baby, saying, “I know now that God will get us through whatever it is we have to face.” And I got to watch as a new believer was born into the Kingdom of God.
LaTishia is a young woman who came into the center thinking she could get an abortion that day. Her partner was with her and both of them were adamant that abortion was their only option. One of the things we say to clients who are thinking this is, “When anyone feels backed into a corner with only one option, that doesn’t really represent choice, does it? Can we talk about the obstacles that make you feel this pressure?” The obstacles for LaTishia, as with so many young women in her situation, were finances, being in school, already having two children, and lack of support. LaTishia admitted at one point that she knew abortion would be difficult for her emotionally, but that she was prepared to do it for the sake of her relationship with her partner because he really wanted her to abort. She said, “If I don’t do this, he’ll leave me, and I’ve already done this on my own, I don’t want to do that again.” I usually ask clients, “If someone were to ask you what abortion is, how would you answer that question?” Often their answers are vague or euphemistic, “it’s ending a pregnancy,” “pushing the reset button,” “a woman’s choice,” and so on. LaTishia started there, but she kept going. “It’s ending a pregnancy… a life… it’s ending a baby’s life…” and then she looked down. After a few moments, I simply repeated what she said, “It’s ending a baby’s life?” “Yes,” she whispered. “I never dreamed I’d consider this. I’ve always thought this was wrong – a sin. I just don’t see another way.” I tried to explore her spiritual beliefs, but she didn’t want to go there. I asked her partner what he thought when he heard her words. He said, “Well, it’s hard to hear. She even said this was a miracle baby, which I guess is true. We tried everything we could to not have a baby and yet here we are. I don’t know what to think right now. You’re asking some hard questions.” I tell all my clients ahead of time that I will be doing just that. They know they can stop the process at any time, and I remind them of that through the appointment. “The reason,” I tell them, “is so you can, as best as anyone is able, put yourselves in the shoes of your future self and imagine looking back on yourself today and the decision you are trying to make. How will you feel about this later? It’s better to ask the hard questions now, while you still have options, than to ask them later with regret.” These were definitely hard questions, and LaTishia and her partner left without any seeming change in their decision. I went through the abortion education that the law requires and they left, certificate in hand. I prayed, but honestly, without a lot of hope.
I followed up with LaTishia expecting to hear the worst. But LaTishia answered my call and said, “Oh! I’m SO glad you called! I’ve been wanting to talk to you! We’ve decided to keep our baby! Thank you for asking such probing questions! You really helped us to think through what we were talking about. I realized I was considering doing something I thought was wrong just to make someone else happy and that’s something I can’t really live with. And he agrees – he doesn’t want me to do that either! He’s going to be with me through this.” She wasn’t finished though. “I also wanted you to know that your questions made me really think about my beliefs – what I grew up with and what I’ve left behind. I want to return to the God of my youth! I realized that it means more to me than I ever thought before. I want to live in a way that is consistent with what I believe. Thank you for helping me to see that!”
These are the things that happen at pregnancy centers – lives profoundly impacted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please pray for us as we serve in this ministry which is set up a “yard from the gate of hell.” Life and death decisions are made every single day, and we are always in intense spiritual battles not only for the physical lives of the unborn, but also for the emotional and spiritual lives of their mothers and fathers.
Laurie Chapman works as an RN at Gateway Women’s Care in Raleigh, NC.
